Man on the Clapham omnibus

Languages: Kannada , english

Warnings , no grammer , spellin checking , and over elaborate use of sms lingo…

Precisely 2 days back. Va had a facial done.

The pain of waiting for 2 hours for the other sex to get her facial done would not have been like they “a sweet pain” , but suddenly , “Saar, neevu madkoli , bellek idira , facial face lift madathe”… (Sir, why don’t u get facial done, you are fair , your face will get face lift).

At this point I am tempted, so I decide to get in. The guy brings his brochure.I search for the cheapest one… 450 rs mad bidi paa…..(please do the cheapest one)

Saar, that wont match your complexion, 1020 rs madkoli, adnalii, steam kottu , cream aaki , ad*&^^#(some thing) aaktivi… amale skin tight madtivi( sir, do the one for 1020 rs, will suit your skin , we will do blah blah in that).

Va : Beda guru, nang yaake….( leave it dude , why all this for me)

Smart facial guy: Saar, already fashion aag idira , iddu madkoli.. ( Sir, you are already like fashion, do this also)

Va : Hmm, I see. { Checks credit card }, seri madappa . ( Alrite, do it )

SFg : banni saar( Come sir) , { takes Va to a facial room)

Sfg : Saar shirt bichi, malkolli ( Sir ,remove your shirt and lie down)

Va : awkwardly removes only the top shirt.

Sfg : saar , gym ogtira ? trim aag idira ? (Sir , do you go to gym, you are so trimmm)

Va : { removes inner shirt now}, illa guru , ange yennu illa , solpa solpa ( no dude , ntn like tat, little little)

Few minutes pass by , va gets treated to cream applied on his face, has to close his eyes.

Suddenly door opens and some new trainees join in. { Some chattering}

Sfg : Sshhhh … nodi , cream inge aak beku. {Some female voice , sir , cream osadha ?)

Va : Nin Akk*&#^ ( F*&*##) , Guru , naan yen test run aa ? ( Boss, am I a test run for the cream?)

Sfg : illa sir, idhu l’oreal international.

Sfg : Jeno , steam ready madu….

Va: {Jeno , hmm , oohh, maga !!!! … immidetely starts dreaming thinks to say something start, ntn comes to mind}

Steam hits the face, sfg continues to rub the cream(a different one). Saar thumba smooth nim skinuu … hudugiru tumba like madtare…. ( Sir, you skin in very soft, gals will like it lot)

Va : { awkward grin ..)

Sfg cleans the face , Sir ivaga black head remove madtivi…

Va : screams , F^&^&## it was painful as hell, even pimples were not spared.

Sfg : aiyoo, yen sir, thumba black heads idhe .. solpa adjust madi ,,

Some facial girl : solpa iri sir …

Va : Jeno madam , neevu madi , solpa pain kadmey aag bodu …

Some facial girl : hehehe ( giggles) …

Smart facial guy : Saar , ivag skin tighten madtivi , don’t open your eyes.

Some one applies something like plaster of paris on face….

Va : Jeno avre , neeve apply madta idira ?

Some facial gal : Yaak sir ?

Va : ( thinks some smartalletic answer) , Nodi naan hesaru nalli ,’A’, ‘U’ matte ‘I’ idhe

Nim hesar nalli “E”mathe ‘O’ idhe , neev naan life alphabets complete madtira……

Few facial gals … Giggles …

One facial gal : Sir , neevu ange heldre , maaiiii full cream ach bidtaale …(sir  if u tell like tat , she will put cream all over your body)

Va : ( awesome…. )

Sir , ivaga ange solpa time irri …. (Sir , just be like tat)

Sounds of door opening and everybody leaving … somebody mentions something like cute…

Va : ( Thinks ) .. that must be mee , naan cuteeee maga…. ( i am cute , my son)

After few more minutes of excruciating boreness and cold(ac was on and I was half naked), smart facial guy comes in.

Va’s face is cleaned.

Banni saar ,taken to mirror . Nodi sir , neeve differencuu…( Come sir , see the difference )

Va : sees no difference … but says ( Hmmm…. )

Saar ,nim hair , rough aagidhe ,,,, dry aagbitidee . hair spa maadkondbidi …. ( Sir , you hair loks very dry ,    why dont u try hair spa )

Va : beda guru …. Nang yaake idalla ? ( no dude , why al this for me ?)

Sgf : Illa saar , facial madkondu fashion aag idira ….. hair spa nuu .. ( no sir, already u are fashion because of facial , why dont you try hair spa ? )

To be continued ….

25th DEC
We reached Gulmarg on 25th afternoon after catching a cab from srinagar.We met yasin, who booked for us a cottage(Rosewood).The cost was pretty nominal compared to the rest of the prices around and after reaching the cottage , we spent the rest of day talking to our host Ashraf, cook Kedar and the rest of the people there.
We also went out for a walk to the market and visited the Siva temple where the famous “jay jay sivasankar” song was filmed.We went around the market, were tricked to sit in a sledge for 50 rs and finally struggled back to our cottage in the dark.
We knew the next few days could be physically stressing as skiing was an intense activity and hence a good drink and a good sleep was essential.

26th DEC
The next day we reached Yasin’s shop at 10.After getting into our gear and settling with our skies , Mehmood took us to the zero point(called so since its the beginner’s point).The first day of skiing was not bad and though i did not fall much, i did not ski much either since the ski lift was not working and every time we had to carry our ski’s on our back to the top.After lunch we came back to the zero point , but the place was crowded with sledge runners and tourists.Unaware i was with the turns and ended up running into a few people and sledge guys.Enough was enough and as the crowd increased we called it a day.

27th DEC
Today , Mushtaq bhai accompanied us as our instructor.He was apparently runners up in the national championship in Manali.He guided us as far as technique is concerned and after skiing for some time from the zero point, we went to another slope where he taught us how to turn.This again i was able to do comfortably but not conveniently and i was not sure how i managed it fine at times and not at others.

We discussed over the night if we would cut short skiing and do more sight seeing, but decided to give it one more try.Kiran was particularly a bit suspicious as it seemed that he was doing something wrong with the technique still.The evenings were spent in the cottage watching TV , drinking kashmiri chai(kawa).Kesar would prepare us delicious dinner and we would hog more than ever after the tiring day.

28th DEC

Today mUshtaq bhai further taught us how to turn with parallel skies, instead of snow ploughing.Kiran seemed to have mastered this better than me and was going great guns.I could pick it up end of the day though and the later part of afternoon , we went to a higher slop and skiied down from there , this time passing through the beginner’s point and successfully evading the tourists and sledgers alike.Confidence was sky high now.
This evening , over the kawa , discussions were based on if it was worth skipping srinagar for an extra day of skiing.WE were not falling any more of the ski’s and enjoying a lot more.

29th Dec

We started off at the beginner’s slope at a higher point today and had to ski between sticks strategically placed by Mushtaq and Co.This was hardly a problem after the expert training we were provided with.Musthaq Bhai took us to the Army slope later this day.Called so because the army people practice from this slopes.It did look a bit threatening at first, but with the expert guidance of Musthaq who could precisely point out our shortcomings , we conquered this slope as well, though very slowly.
THe big headache was to carry our ski’s back to the top since there was no lift here as well and that tired us beyond bounds but it was more than made up for by our enthusiasm and Musthaq’s constant appraisal.
The later part of the day, we would o down the slope with parallel skies rather than Snow plough(read as faster),Kiran was doing this better than me,and i was snow ploughing still.In spite of my best attempts , i could not get the ski to stay parallel while turning.At times, i tried to bend my ski opposite side and it still used to plough and i would fall.Finally at the end of day, after lot of “Pitai” from Musthaq , i finally got a “Badai” from him and he said i had managed 80% parallel ski’s.

30 Dec

Our last day of skiing and we decided that we would ski for the first half of the day here and spend the evening going to the top of the gondola.
Today both of us were able to ski comfortable and falling was not even the remotest of the possibilities.My ski’s were more or less parallel now and was when Musthaq told me that my ski’s were not racer ski’s as compared to kiran and lost their edges.I felt a bit light hearing that but Musthaq added that a good skier must not worry about such things.I was more confident now and we skiied right from the top and went down vertical instead of turning to reduce speeds.
When the session ended we had big smiles of having accomplished to learn something new quite well.Musthaq told us that if there was enough snow on the top , he would advised us to ski from the top of the mountain at 1st level.
We proceeded to the gondola and supposedly the highest gondola in asia , there were 2 levels to it.The second level called affrawat is 3.9Km above the sea level and we could see the army camps at the top.Musthaq showed me the LOC(border with pakistan) , but all i could see was white snow all around.To be 13 Km from LOC was a crazy thought but true at this moment.
After quite some photo moments we descended down the gondola and once the electricity went off and the gondola got stuck.We talked about hanging 3Km above ground level and how primitive the highest gondola in the world was.
The night, my face red as a cherry because of sun burns was the centre of attraction.It was still a beaming one though.Next year , Gulmarg can look forward to one skier returning back at least.

Country : The Netherlands.
Cyclists : Va, Su ,Sa

Photos link : Click here

The decision was not a bad one, Dordrecht was a good place to cycle and the weather was not the worst.The cycles we hired, were not the standard ones. They were different, little did we know that the difference would make the whole trip a pain in the a$$(not just literally) for someone.

After the initial lost and found exercise, we finally proceeded on the right track. I will have to say again ,cycling in Holland is an unexplainable feeling. Sa took a lot of photos.Few of them needed elevated sense of imagination to be comprehended accurately.Failure to do so, would infuriate him and expressions such “its just a tree boss”, would only make him explain further the creative ideas behind the photo.

Sa’s Masterpiece

Me and Su were more interested in the long straight stretch of 8KM.We cycled quite fast with limited breaks.
Once we reached the 8KM stretch, Su and me started to race against the wind.The start of the long road provoked unimaginable feelings in us.They were soon to be shattered when we realized SA was missing.As we waited, Sa arrived ever so slowly. As Sa struggled to complete one complete revolution without getting his ass of the seat, one wondered was this the moment to laugh or cry.  Su found opportunities to click some quick photos. And then, Sa put a full stop to the entire expedition by announcing in puffed whispers “Yaar yeh cycle puncture ho gaya hai”.

Never miss an opportunity in front of the camera

Indeed, the cycle tyre looked more like masala papad.
We did enjoy the ride back to the cycle shop(Discount SA from the we).Sa was extremely courageous.He cycled a punctured tyre for around 8km.He still enjoyed picturing nature and the better half of it.His photos would make trees grow in 2 directions and under water(make sure you hear his application as you look at the photo).Su just stared at the photos and commented ” Boss, you get these photos in google..”

The cycle shop owner asked us to expect a bill for punctured tyre!! things work quite differently back in holland.Trip got screwed( and for one , the a$$ and back), and we still get to pay extra money.

The expereince was a different kind and i enjoyed it as always.
So the next time , take the 1 euro insurance for the cycle.

Every day is a winding road

Adios!!

Skydiving

Location: Para Centrum Texel , The Netherlands

Scary as it may seem, it was more exciting than most things I have done. Close second was the famous time I served as a boyfriend before being unceremoniously dumped.

My tandem instructor jumped with his khaki shorts and tee from 10,000 feet. I still am not sure if I was amazed or surprised . The feeling when the plane took off was a mixed bag. Murphy’s laws are a software engineer’s best’s friends. Finally, I had to jump off the plane, a strange one moment as well. I don’t remember my feelings then, it all seemed to happen so quickly.

The seconds after the jump from the plane was the most awesome thing I have ever experienced. Falling freely reaching speeds of 200 k per hour, adrenaline levels were at the peak. For those 30 seconds or so, I felt alive. The parachute was then opened and though I make it sound as totally unexciting, parachuting down to ground is by no means an unmemorable(or for that matter) scary experience.

I have little or no doubts that I will sky jump again.