Tashan

Gotta love such movies dude… There is nothing at all in to remember in it.When you sleep, you sleep peacefully , there is absolutely no memory of any events in the movie.Wish life was like this as well..
I want to thank the director for making such a forgettable movie.

Kareena has awesome abs.The ray ban aviator coolers everybody wears in the movie are trendy(Va.add(“shopping list”,Aviators)).
There are less ‘Jatkas’ compared to “Race”. No fear, The stars don’t die in the movie.
Why akshay kumar kick-boxes when there is gun around is puzzling ? Why the bad-guys drop their guns and kick-box is puzzling as well.Guess there are unwritten rules in bolly fights.

But Kareena really looks fabulously fantabulous ya .

Va.REMOVE(“To-Do List”, Kareena Kapoor from jab we met)
Va.ADD(“To-Do List”, Kareena Kapoor as in Tashan)

There is no story , don’t expect any either… the pirated downloaded version had a bloody pissy sound in the background. Use noise elimination plugin in WMP to get rid of that.

Locations are great , Rajasthan and ghats of ganga near haridwar are such beauties.

Come on dude , Movie ain’t that bad.
On the other hand, that “U me and Hum” shit , god that one made me cry… for one its copied , and for one more , its painful to get through it.

 

Aap ka suroor, Itzz a reaaal lovveee shtorrryyy..

Every once in a while, there comes a movie to die for .. and we talk about the movie when we eat , when we drink and we even dream about it while we sleep. And use the dialogs in day to day life, and with acute retention idiosyncratically try to be like the main characters. Well for all this and more, watch , “There will be Blood” .
Its an awesome movie.

But in case you still decide to watch “aap ka suroor“, or should i say rather suffer through AkS, then beware, there is very little story, very very little screenplay and lots and lots of nasal singing.Even the gayatri mantra have made it into the nose.

Q) Wonder what will happen if himesh wears a nose ring ?
A) He will have a golden voice ……

The story(or the absolute lack of it) is appalling. Himesh falls in love(HR sirf ek baar pyaar karta hai) with an amiable Sweet girl(looks gorgeous). The first half of movie is all about “HR yeh nahi karta” , HR sharab nahi pita “
“HR india ka rockstar hai”

Small cute girl to HR : mere heart mey hole hai….
HR to small cute girl : Tumhe pata hai ki tumhare heart mey bhagwan ne hole kyun diya hai ?
Cute girl : nahi …
HR ( HR sab janta hai, HR bhagwan se baat karta hai) : Kyunki , usme khuub saara pyaar barna hai, agar hole nahi hoga to usse kaha bharogi ?

(At this point ,
Va : Bhagwan ne HR key Dimag mey hole kyun diya hai ?
A: Taki HR hamesha Topi pahene rakhe …..
)

More of nasal melodrama, HR gets arrested for murder.
Police : what do u have to say in your defense ?
HR : HR kabhi kisika Khuun nahi karta.
Police : Duh !!!

HR escapes from jail(HR jail mey be versace aur red topi pehanta hai).

HR uses 5 diff colours of topi , Red ,white , black , brown and green. matching matching with his cleavage display shirts.

HR comes out of a car crash , still comes out with the Topi intact.
Schweet girl adheres with HR in good and bad, Her mobile ring tone is the melodramatic nasal gayatri mantra.
In all this mish mash, there is mallika sharawat trying to woo HR. HR kabhi item number ke saath date par nahi jaata.

All good prevails in the end.Autos run in streets of germany, German tv’s carry breaking news of HR’s innocence.Schweet girl falls in his cleavage(which is visible through out the movie).mallika is spell bound.
Audience is happy, the ordeal is over. If this is the real life story of HR , it sucks.If this is the story he has made up , it still sucks. 4 year old kids make up better stories.If this is the story he belives in , it stills sucks.

All in all, use this movie to sleep the days that you dont drink.

HR(in end) : God bless everybody,
Va : Thanks…

 

Race – Its a twisted tale

Warning : this write-up contains no spoilers but the entire ’so called story’ of race.

With all due respect to the director/s , I managed to download the pirated version of movie. It was well worth the laugh, but hardly worth the bandwidth.

It would have been more scholarly to read crazy football rumours or why britney spears wants to be a role model for virgin British girls or even why cockroaches fall dead on thier backs , but i decided to download the movie and even ended up watching it.**Sigh ***

The movie starts with a car accident( really yaar !) on the empty highways of south africa. We dont see who is injured,but we do see a watch.The only conclusion i could make was that inspite of car spinning 5 times in the air, the watch was still safe.

Then of course there is a flashback, Saif is a rich man with a passion for horse riding and owns horses and stuff like that.
He loves bipasha(yeah me too), his secretary, katrina kaif is wannabe actor(even in real life) . Her expressions range from smile to smile with tears(read as crying). His brother is an alcoholic ,(yes .. he drinks beer in morning to get rid of hangover).For the first half these are pretty much the only characters in the movie .

Saif loses some money betting on a horse, finds out(through a binocular) that the caddy has cheated and hence plants a bomb in the cabbie’s car(which bounces 10 times on the tarmac before getting destroyed finally).After that he cleverly places a camera in a pen and thus finds out how to cheat his fearsome rival, and in the process not only does he make more money but also destroys him financially(all expertly ‘bollywoodly’ done).
Also some dialogs about ” mey haaar ko bi celebrate karta huun , blah blah” (watch the movie if you really interested in what he has to say .. there is more chance of you using your appendix than any of these dialogs in life)

Then the next twist … Bro akshay khana falls in love wit bipasha and promises to quit drinking if he gets her.
Big bro sacrifices his love for his fallible younger bhai .. small bro get the babe.Sings “pehli nazar mey jadoo kar diya” while driving a ferrari on south african streets.

The unsuspecting audience still waits for the crafty story to unfold…

Jatka no 2 :

Small bro tells bips he knows that she was a killer in past(yes its possible, grants her atonement)… , then says he wants to kill big bro to get insurance money.He agrees to give bips 20mn. Bips agrees(she wants 20 mn yaar!!!). And the first step towards killing big-bro ?? hope you guessed it …. small bro has to marry bips.( utter nonsense , but all hopes for any sense has already steeply plummeted).

Before you start cribbing about this dumb logic, wait till the movie goes on…

Small bro taps big-bro making out with bips(in a horse stable of course). All this recorded on cctv. Big bro takes tequilla shots to consume his guilt, while katrina struggles,strives and after subservient attempts to shake her belly, finally completes her dance for “kiss mee, touch mee ” to cheer up big bro.

Jatka no 3:

Small bro wants to kill big-bro( *** Yeah u already know that ****).Bips tells this to big-bro(but why?). gosh too many twists ,   crestfallen audience wonders if there’s any script at all …
Small bro calls big bro to top of building from where he plans to jump.
Big bro comes there , bips pushes big-bro and tells him 20 mn is worth much more than him.

Interval …. We thank god and have good dinner. After an absolutely unanimous decision, we think its best to attempt to see the second half only with some more beer…

Second half starts …….

jatka no 4:

Anil kapoor (R.D) is a cop with a very hot and dumb assistant(sameera reddy).Sameera is very very very dumb ,wilting with    dumbness,struting on the intelligence of RD.However she is still capable of using a smart phone to note down important points(if any) related to this sherlock holmes mystery.
RD instantly knows that this is a plan to get the insurance money(smart cop , i told ya.. already).

Somewhere here i take a quit nap, and as i get up again…

Jatka no 5 :
Katrina kaif is already married to saif .. damn , she has the original certificates.So she is the rightful but ambiguous owner of the insurance money. Next logical ascend in the movie is to kill katrina , unfortunately there is a twist here as well..

Jatka no 6 :

Katrina is alone in her house , half dressed , trying to dry her wet hair… the hooded killer moves in shoadows all around  without agitating her amidst scary sound effects.While katrina inclines towards giving a stellar performance drying her hair,the killer runs around in shadows. Finally as the director’s numerous unkempt attempts to scare the viewers goes unnoticed ,the hooded killer makes his move and grabs and kisses Katrina.
After the camera fleets around 270 degrees, abstaining from showing the audience the face of the gentleman/woman, who brings a smile to the already smiling katrina, the background music reciprocates the director’s sentiment of keeping up the tirade.
Finally , behold, its not the salman khan …. its small-bro,Turns out he was kat’s lover boy. After an obtuse one line explanation, we all gladly believe they really “love/loved/will forever love” each other.

Jatka no 7 :

All this while, Bips is neglected and hence small bro decides to kill her.Unfotunately for his unliking,
from an apogee, with highly enthusiastic music in the backdrop , saif(big-bro is alive, lord behold!!!) is able to negligently jump over 2 buildings , catch a dangling rope in thin air and bring to halt a very fast south african car making its way towards bips.
The killer driver is put to rest in an brevity by big-bro and all he has to say to bips at the end is.. ” Tum jab darti ho thoo bahut sundar lagti hoo ” { how unromantic !!! }

Jatka no 8

RD , meanwhile is hand in hand with saif(all this time….)… he also tries to molest his own dumbo assistant who is dumb enough to get away.(thus succesfully completing her contribution to this murder drama)

While you wonder how much more prune the scriptwriter could be…. it gets worse.
Big-bro and small-bro , decide to race against each other(in sports car) to decide who lives and who dies.
Big-bro’s car has no brakes , he still survives.Small bro and his biatch go down the flames.

Big-bro and bips get 200 million insurance money even though he is still alive(there are lots of clauses in the insurance document, apprentely ,if you die twice, you get double insurance money… who KNEW !!!).

RD gets his share. Inordinate dumb assistant laughs when RD says …
” Ab se RD fruit nahi khayega ….. sirf dry-fruit khayega ” ….

Just when we were about to rant in an extremly abusive tongue , the credits rolled down, along with copied korean music in the background with all the 3 babes artfully attempting to shake thier respective bellies.

Highly extenuated by this mental torture which cannot be verbalized, I went to sleep.

Summary:

Saif ali khan – Never say , Never die …
Akshaye Khana – With some many twists in his life , no wonder he has a hangover every morning….
Bips : Wears matching clothes and purse. infallibly walks wet from the beach aggravating vishvamitra to open one eye to have a look….
katrina : Lord , wickedly pretty , but somebody please explain acting to her … its more than just trying to smile…
Sameera : Hot, only significant contribution is half naked dancing in the end of the movie along with the other 2.
Anil kapoor : I liked his hairstyle , will copy that. period.

Best dialogue : Saif to katrina – { “Arre tum tho itni achi acting karti ho , ki tumhe hollywood mey hona chaiye tha” … } ( lol …  katrina trying to act is as unproductive as my grandma trying to bend it like beckham… )

Movie : its like a twister of verbatim…

 

Death at a funeral !!! not literally

This has got to be one of the funniest films i have seen till now.British comedy at its witty best.Good actors and great direction makes this a fun to watch.Its all about chaos at a funeral but has a decent message in the end.

Its not the “superbad” kinda comedy but i personally prefer British comedy over American comedy.British comedy has lots more to it than just young kids looking to get laid.

 

SuperBad!!!!!

Once in a while when you watch a movie , you come across some which absolutely lack any kind of story, but still keeps you interested for some reason.Well Superbad is one of those! absolutely nothing in terms of story , but bunch of American kids wants booze , so they keep f****ing away.One really wonders if this can really happen in America !! i guess it can , i mean if G Bush thinks mandela is already dead, then anything else is possible as well.

Watch this movie , its timepass, American pie style !! Still wonder why the most powerful country in the world takes pride in portraying the stupidest things that people do.

Like they say , It happens only in America!!!!

 

The NoteBook !!

I am one among the last persons to ever feel sentimental after a touching story , the only feeling i get is why do people think that this can ever happen.I was slated to be an unemotional person for the same and this made me think is there something i have actually missed.

I mean how difficult could it be , 2 people fall in love , their parents break them up , they fall in love again and …. (spoilers, aargh..) .Not like we haven’t heard of something like this.So i decided to concentrate and not use this movie as a weapon to put me to sleep early.For some reason , the movie seemed to draw me into it.I mean as crazy as it sounds, why would a man build a wonderful house of his girl’s dreams even when he knows that she might never come back.Can people really keep such promises.Just as i was about to dismiss this as a waste of time, from somewhere the word Taj mahal came to my mind(probably because he builds a house which is totally white) and here it was , the greatest monument in the world built to remember someone.May be its true , may be there is something about love that would make someone work everyday to build a house for someone he might not see again for the promise he made to her.

How did he do it , i remembered someone telling me

Faith makes all things possible , love makes it easy.Well the movie was still so-so to me , pretty decent not bad and worth watching once.But its all the more important because for once it has made me think, and thus i ended up watching again and here are some of the quotes i got from the movie.

— I am no one special. Just a common man with common thoughts. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten. But in one respect I have succeeded as gloriously as anyone who ever lived. I’ve loved another with all my heart and soul and for me that has always been enough.

—The best love is the kind that awakens the soul; that makes us reach for more, that plants the fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds. That’s what I hope to give you forever.

This was the best one in my opinion……

Noah: Well that’s what we do. We fight. You tell me when I’m being an arrogant son of a b**** and I tell you when you are being a pain in the a**. Which you are 99% of the time. I’m not afraid to hurt your feelings. You have like a two second rebound rate and you are back doing the next pain in the a** thing.
Allie: So what.
Noah: So it’s not going to be easy. It’s going to be really hard. And we’re going to have to work at this every day. But I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, every day.
Too much love to take!! , gotta play some Quake now …..

 

The Simpsons

If you are a watcher of the Simpson series , you wont be disappointed by the movie.

Well the theme is hardly complicated,Mr Simpson causes contamination on the global scale by dumping his new found Pet , a Pig’ s crap in a lake.Well , what follows from there on is a story of a true hero who transforms from a rather selfish human to the one who realizes that he can survive only if other in the society do too.

Its a short movie, but nevertheless a funny one and sure to tingle few funny bones.

 

The Ultimate Gift

Imagine your rich grand father died leaving pennies to your uncles and a chance for you to own 2 billion worth of resources.

But one small issue , you have to follow a series of tests and pass them satisfactorily before you can get hold of your ultimate gift. Sounds like fairy tale , but still interesting nevertheless.Though the movie seems to drift away a wee bit in the later stages and series of tests which teach our young hero the lessons of virtues,values and family relationships seems like the things of past , you do not get bored because the director manages to keep it simple and honest.I am sure he had no intention of winning the Oscar but just to create a movie with a rather simple message.If your Pop/Grand pa has lots of money and does not believe in giving it to you , its only because he has worked his a$$ of for it.And you dont deserve it unless you realize its importance.

Watch the movie , Do not expect anything special , just a simple sweet movie.

Link

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0482629/

And watch out for Abigail Breslin ( remember little miss sunshine ) , She is the sweetest thing about this movie and a sure shot star in the making.